HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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