apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
