Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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