his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
