she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
