why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
