its not stalking. its research.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Let's get the cat blown out
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
