You smell like a Billy Joel song
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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