I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
