i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
