I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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