I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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