Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
