so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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