Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
