I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
