girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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