Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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