I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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