Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
