the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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