We got so high we made milksteak
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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