i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
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When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
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I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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