Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
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Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
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I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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