oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
