it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
