I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
