her vagina looked like bernie madoff
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize