How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
