ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
