Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
