why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
