i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
