I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
