is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Drake has all the answers
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
