Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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