dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
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You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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