she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Everything about him screamed your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize