I wanna bring you to show and tell
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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