Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
