We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
