Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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