he thought i was a dude.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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