Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
