well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
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I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
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you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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