The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
