not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
