She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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