hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
