I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
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Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
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You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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