I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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