Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
