I want to stick my p in your. b.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
