i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
