so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
