My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
