the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
