i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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