Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
