I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
