Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
