I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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